Hiding My Treatment

I quietly started treatment again (July 2014) because I didn’t want everyone in my business. I was embarrassed and discouraged that I relapsed. I felt stupid for not knowing my body and was really struggling to make peace with the situation. It was hard for me to come to terms with what happened and putting that out on the internet was something I was not ready to do. I had just celebrated how awesome I was doing and a couple of months later I am back in treatment. It was a hard time for me emotionally and physically.

The second time around was hard to be back in treatment but much more manageable. Instead of not being able to drive for years, I had about a month where I didn’t feel safe to drive. I reached out to my church, friends and family for help with food, prayer, cleaning my house, and company. Only my close circle knew I was back in treatment and nothing was posted on social media. I was very conscious of not allowing friends to post pictures if my port could be seen because I didn’t need any extra energy dragging me down or giving me pity. I didn’t need it instead I needed to grip life by the horns and push forward.

I continued in therapy to work through my relapse using EMDR. Each month I could see progress and my bad days were not near as bad in comparison. The constant nausea that stopped me dead in my tracks the first time around wasn’t really a problem this time. I continued to feel stronger but I still had lingering symptoms that wouldn’t go away again so my IV antibiotics continued through the summer and fall. I started weaning off my medications in January 2015 and using homeopathic medications too. I broke open biofilm while killing the bacteria in my body. I really focused on not allowing my body to be defined by Lyme and instead defined by health and appreciation for what God has given me.

Because many people did not know about my relapse it made conversations better because they weren’t directed at that, they were directed about other things. The mind is very powerful in helping the healing processes and I didn’t give Lyme any power over my conversations. Essentially it wasn’t welcome in my conversations and it wasn’t welcome in my life.

I pushed on to enjoy life within my limits. I stayed on track with my medication regiment and put my body and health first.

One thought on “Hiding My Treatment

  1. My Lyme has never been as bad as yours, and I am thankful that it has never been worse than it was. In March around my birthday, I started to relapse too, and it was soooo discouraging. Going back on the antibiotics, feeling lousy from the meds/formulas, feeling the joint muscle stiffness creeping back in–“is this going to go on forever??? Will I ever be free of this? Am I going to get worse?” It’s difficult to talk about because you don’t want it to define who you are in the eyes of others. The markers in my blood didn’t go down as much as my husbands, and his were much worse to start with. So I really, really feel your discouragement, even though I try not to feel discouraged at all. I keep putting one foot in front of the other, do what I can to take care of myself, and try to define myself in who God says I am, and remind myself that I am really His and not my own. From what I have seen on FB, you look beautiful and well, so I just pray that you will be as well as the girl I see and have only known that way.

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