I have reached my one year mark of treatment and a diagnosis: November 9, 2011. This past year has been one I never could have fathomed. I have received more support from my family than I knew existed, I’ve been on over 70 different medications, become more in-tune with my body that I ever wanted to be and all to say I still have a long road ahead of me. Originally, I was told August 2012 as a “done with treatment date”, which is perfect because it would be in time for my sisters wedding. But then, my body didn’t totally cooperate because we weren’t able to identify all the bugs that were attacking my system.
|Photo courtesy of www.harmonyhilderbrand.com|
The war wages on, and I am trying so hard to be positive. The truth is I feel a little beat up mostly because I don’t see that I am moving forward, instead I feel like I am in a plateau. I’m struggling with my friendships and I am having a difficult time knowing that this is the plan God has for my life. In Jeremiah 29:11 God promises, “11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” but a little voice inside of me keeps saying ‘what good can come out of this’?
I have struggled with depression for a long time and I find comfort in knowing it is common for people with Lyme disease to also have this diagnosis. I really think these thoughts are from Satan who is trying to weigh me down.
I see my specialist this Friday and I am hoping to have a lot of questions answered. I hope to walk out of there optimistic and with a plan.
Above all, I guess I am just asking for prayer. This road is a hard one, but it does not define me. It cannot define me. I’m just struggling to know who I am right now. To my friends, I am sorry to drag you with me or neglect you. Please know that it is not you but an internal struggle I am having. I wish I could ignore it or make it go away, but the war wages on.
I started this blog to show you a piece of my life, and I think this entry is the most raw and confused one I’ve written. But to you my followers, this is a twist of lyme.